I went to a party, and typically, I'll let myself be the wallflower (unless I've inhaled a substantial amount of liquor). Only once have I gone around at a party intruding myself to everyone present (and I had inhaled a substantial amount of liquor). But yesterday, right after arriving at an acquaintance's party, where I only knew him and the friend I showed up with, I introduced myself to everyone and even managed to make friends with two girls who I originally assumed were way more outgoing than me, and who turned out to be less social. I even encouraged them to come with me to join the larger group of people after we'd spent a long time chatting alone in the corner. I had moments of feeling awkward but I reminded myself that these people were nice and they were probably not judging me the way I let myself believe sometimes, and I ended up having a great time with very little alcohol.
Later on that night, I had a moment of clarity about the way I view myself. From my prospective, I often look out at the world, past this girl who I believe to be ugly and awkward and who no one would want to get to know. And I know that is wrong and that it also negatively affects the way I interact with people. If I could just stop from seeing myself that way, I'd be more confident and happy. I would stop being afraid to talk to people, believing that they don't want anything to do with this freak, and instead I'd probably make a lot of friends.
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